New digs, new approaches

I think it's time to reintegrate parenting stuff into every day stuff, blogging wise - it's simpler and I am not fearing so much to have it there.

So I moved two (at least) blogs into one new one over here:

http://www.multiplicity.ca/blog

Hope to see you there! I know, I know - too many blogs this year. This one should be permanent.

We'll still be reading over here too!

And wonderful comments on the babysitting thing - thank you!! More thoughts on that to come in the new digs, for sure.

Oh and Dy I finally found that cream and it is superior, although he hasn't had too many rashes - he did spring one on Sat and it's all cleared up. :)

Shandra

Sitters

So, we're at 10.5 weeks and man, do I have a gorgeous baby. I hate to disrupt his life. I find myself this week trying to have the perfect loving skin touching, playmat exploring, tummy-time rolling, cuddling routine-but-not-scheduled experience, because I feel guilty - still - from the Costco Experience on Saturday.

At the same time Carl celebrated his 39th birthday yesterday and we - had dinner. Oh it was a lovely dinner, ribs for him, chicken for me (I confess, finally, that I do not like ribs much), and potato-bacon-cheddar soup, and baby peas, and chocolate cake for dessert. Noah was in an expansive mood for the first bit and inundated Carl with glee, and then dropped off for a sleep and we had some adult time.

And yet, we never left the house. That's fine. But eventually we are going to want and need to leave the house together without child and have a little date. Not perhaps this month. But eventually.

And I've hit a wall of trust issues. Oh I have had plans for this for a while. One has been to have a responsible older teen come in after school and watch Noah with me here while I write, for a few months and then see if I think s/he can be left alone for an hour or two. Another has been to start a parent co-op, but since I haven't been doing much parent networking other than with parents who don't live that close via the potlucks, hmmm, not so great. I could possibly prevail upon friends but that seems like a recipe for friend disaster to me - I recognize that our society is stupid about this, but I live in our society and my current society says that friends come over for dinner but they don't babysit. Because what if they do it wrong or something happens - neither of which is likely, but still. It seems cleaner to have a professional relationship or something instead.

This is where my mother would come in handy, except - yeah. No dice there.

In other words, I am eliminating all my options before they begin, because I am scared to leave my baby with anyone but Carl, and I confess even with Carl was hard when I was dealing with dental stuff (and that's just insane). I cannot honestly believe anything good will come of it. It terrifies me. A small bit of this is Emily stuff, some of it is abuse stuff (okay, a fair chunk), and some of it is remembering being a pretty darn responsible babysitter and still not really being - loving. You know?

Breastfeeding is such a good excuse that way; if he never transitions to bottles at all then I can stay in for the next 6 months at least.

So, how does one get over the neurosis and move forward? A question for my therapist maybe or maybe that mum's group...

Shandra

Corruption

I think last week corrupted me.

Noah's reached some new phase where Something Bothers Him But We Can't Tell What and so after the offering of food/changing of diaper and clothing/checking of temperature/for wounds and sore spots/rocking and cooing we just walk around with him singing. Today's bout was at 11:30 am, after a playmat session.

My theory is that his brain is growing and the new input hurts. Because it's all related to genius of course!

Anyways, he calmed down around noon and I decided he was in need of hard-core attachment parenting, mnn hmm. So around 1:45, after a nutritious meal for him and one for me, I took a pile of Hallowe'en candy and a Homicide DVD and laid on the futon and ate crap while he slept on me.

Mnnnn.

Tomorrow we return to our granola ways, with sling.

Shandra

Candy overload

Well we only got about 20 families here for Hallowe'en - an all-time life low, I think (and I thought our old house was in a kid-unfriendly neighbourhood!). Maybe there was a party for the kids instead, or maybe parents in our neighbourhood only let their kids go to homes where they know people... whatever the reason it was slow and we didn't meet too many people. Totally unlike our last neighbourhood. We did meet two dads and that's a good thing - slow but steady start to things.

Still, I was rather floored. We may yet have to go to delivering cookies door to door. Or leftover candy. We have tons. Come to my door if you want some spiff stuff. :)

Noah seemed to enjoy being trucked out on the porch and back in, Mr. Pumpkin Boy. I have a dragon costume for him too, but it can wait for some gloomy November/December days. It may have been the trucking, or it may be a new phase, but he was again totally hyped up all evening (not fussy, just super-alert) and hard to get to sleep.

He was also up smiling and chatting from 1 am to 3 am. So much for that circadian rhythm! I was really tired, but it's hard to be too upset. He's developing a wide range of cries/coos/grunts/sighs/burbles. The new cry ("attention! now!") is particularly awe-inspiring: it sounds like a much larger child and is kind of throaty.

I'm not sure he's acquiring language in the evolutionarily approved manner. When I say "hiiiiii" to him, he says "hhhhh." Honestly, 'e's got 'is 'aitches, already, sort of. I find it bizarre and overwhelmingly cute. But I wonder at a child who has to get his consonants first.

He also goes wild if I say "ba ba ba ba ba." Apparently that's speaking his language.

We have all our thrush stuff, but the doctor said it wasn't a particularly bad case and that many parents would just let it go. I'm not sure whether that was a hint or not but we have anti-thrush drops for Noah's tongue and cream for my tits and hopefully that will end this little saga. I'm ready to feel human and normal again any time now! I missed the mum group again. Bah, humbug. But this week's another potluck.

Shandra

Happy Hallowe'en!

So is orange his colour? :)

Dispatches

I'm still tired out so in summary:

- do not "pop out" to one last store, no matter how popular the candy there will make you, with baby in tow for the meltdown will make you regret it.

- Noah does have thrush, which so far has just manifested as thrush on his tongue and no pain yet... but this clears up what our plans for tomorrow might be, since we'll be at the doctor's.

- my tooth infection appears to be outlasting antibiotics, so we'll deal with that then too

- I'm in need of a week off in some tropical paradise! Except I can't imagine time off away from Noah and there goes the time off... :)

Baby's growing up

I am recovering from the infection debacle, but slowly. And I lost 4 lbs! This is not good, at this point - not that I am underweight, but the losing during breastfeeding just can't be optimal.

I nested in with Noah the last two days, although Wednesday I was so nauseated from the painkillers and woozy that Carl had to be hovering a fair amount. Yesterday I was back firmly in the saddle and just put everything within reach in the rec room and we had a one-room (plus bathroom) day, Noah and I.

It was blissful, watching DVDs while playing with him and cuddling and dancing a bit in a cautious way. I eased up on my "don't spend your days in front of DVDs" rule and didn't do a lick of housework or anything. Not what I want, overall, but now and then I think it's fine. Noah didn't seem to mind that my attention was sometimes focused on the boob tube. Changing locales and using only the playmat also brought some changes out with him.

First, he's just way more alert and interactive every day. He's starting to settle into a vague routine, although his feeds during the day are still a bit all over the map. He plays for up to an hour, as long as there's someone to play with the last while. Play is stretching, kicking, waving his arms, watching, smiling, and making sounds. Oh and staring.

Not much rolling though, and I'm starting to - not worry, but keep an eye on his lack of interest in his hands. He is only at 9 and a half weeks, but he really rarely notices them, although he is stretching them towards things more. (He's developed the strangely disconcerting habit of patting my breast while he feeds too.) Somehow all this comes across sometimes as a little passive - another word would be content. He isn't yet motivated to go greet the world with touch and motion, too much. He's observing. And I hope that's all okay - I think it is, but I am sometimes a born worrier.

(I know I should enjoy that it's so safe, right now.)

Second, he likes to fall asleep more on his own. I should celebrate this because it bodes well for future sleep and in fact, he is sleeping 5-6 hrs through now about 4 nights a week (including last night! yay!). But I'm a little sad too in that selfish way... he's bigger, he likes to stretch out, and as much as he loves to be held and comforted and gets grumpy if he doesn't have cuddle time, he's also growing up and doesn't need to feel like he's in the womb listening to my heart to fall asleep. It's a tiny step to independence. And that's what we're into, for the next 18 years - the long slow path to it. But boy, there's a little bitty bit of missing there about the newborn that fussed if you dared set one inch of his body off mine or Carl's.

Third, I improvised a kick gym by holding rattles at his feet, and he kicked at them. So maybe I shouldn't worry so much, if he's doing that with his feet. Hmmmm. Writing this out is good. :)

Fourth he is starting to like his tummy, even if it looks rather uncomfortable when he runs out of energy and plants his face down on the quilt. He fell asleep on his tummy yesterday, after 15 minutes of happy lifting and shifting and smiling and a bit of movement scootching up. I left him that way since I was right next to him to keep an eye out for SIDS and he slept well for over an hour.

Of course then when he woke up he was shocked to find the world upside down!

This weekend we need to do some baby shopping - something other people's generosity has made so unusual. We don't have anything like a snowsuit that goes in the carseat well - nothing with slits for a 5-pt harness, in other words - and I want to see what there is on the market. I think he could use some sleepers, although last night out of desperation (see above about not doing laundry :)) I tried the next size up and it wasn't ridiculous after all and people gave us a few in that size. And a kick gym, since I haven't been successful on eBay.

And maybe a few more clothes, if Value Village has cute ones in. Yes, it's all about the second-hand stuff when it comes to baby outfits, as much as I admit I actually like the clothes at Baby Gap (the cottons are just nicer; I'm sorry but they are). With luck maybe there'll be some used Baby Gap there. :)

Shandra

Parenting through pain - ugh

So I had this root canal and I delayed taking the antibiotics 'cause Noah had had his immunizations and in case he suddenly went off the milk or something I thought it would be good to give him a couple of days. My dentist said she thought it would be okay.

Were we ever wrong. Sunday night I got the searing pain and swelling that only come with a root/bone infection gone wildly wrong, and despite starting the penicillin then it has been raging out of control. We doubled the antibiotics. I took ibuprofin and it didn't work and after consulting Motherisk (which is a fabulous resource for Canadians, esp. Torontonians) we determined I could take Tylenol 3 (with codeine in it). For Sunday, Monday, Monday night, and Tuesday until about 4 pm, the painkillers made very little dent in it - about 20 minutes out of a 4 to 6 hr dose. Finally, finally it is starting to recede - swelling and pain alike.

But man, it sucks. For a bit there I thought we might have to put Noah on formula. I thought I was going to go insane with pain, and Carl really had to step in and take care of the baby here and there while I laid on the floor and sobbed (literally; it was worse than labour in many ways due to the unremittingness of it). I didn't sleep from Sunday at midnight to last night at 7. It was crazy.

I felt vulnerable in a way I never have before. It's one thing to get sick on one's own, but having a baby, if you get sick you're messing up their days too, and in this case putting breastfeeding at risk, not only from the drugs one might have to take, but also milk production. (My body is a trooper because it has continued to produce milk despite lack of calories and all this stress and pain and infection, although frankly I felt more like my body let me down with the infection in the first place.) It really hit home that I have to take a bit more care with me, too.

Lynn was brilliant. She really is able to dissociate out of a lot more physical pain than anyone else, or maybe she just has a higher tolerance. In any case, although I wouldn't count on being able to do it again - and having backup is really important - she was the most able to still change diapers and croon, rock the baby, and keep calm around him. Not a hundred percent, as the aforementioned breaks showed, but man. Occasionally past trauma comes in handy, although I think probably non-traumatized parents also rise to the occasion each and every day.

Of course Noah slept 6 hrs every night, while I could not take advantage of it. :) He also discovered he can grab onto my lip, in a weird sort of not-really-paying-attention way that he is batting and and grasping things these days. That was - painful, but I managed to be gentle disengaging him. I have a tiny baby fingernail scratch and I'm oddly proud of it. Being a mum is occasionally so weird!

I did get thinking about us growing up. When my mum was sick it was often a major crisis, at least where I remember it (when admittedly we were older enough to handle it). She would get (understandably) stressed and yell and stuff. Maybe my dad didn't help enough; my memory is foggy on that. And lord, with this pain I could see that a toddler or a defiant 5 year old or a bitchy pre-teen would be really really hard to cope with. At least a baby is clearly just doing baby things.

But I renew my commitment to try to handle things differently - get a sitter, get relatives in, whatever, rather than getting so stressed that every illness becomes a battlefield. Because that is what it felt like, growing up. And I so don't want to do that.

When the painkillers really actually started working yesterday I took Noah in my arms and danced for joy and he almost laughed. I would say it was probably an accident of sound but ooohh am I looking forward to baby laughs.

Now of course my concern is thrush because massive antibiotics can certainly do that. I am popping acidophilus pills and being ultra-hygienic and everything. But Noah's tongue is a bit white. Cross your fingers for us. :)

Spaced out on codeine,
Shandra