experimentation

Yesterday I did indeed go to low-impact aquafit (how you do high-impact aquafit is a little beyond me) and it was fun. It was mostly fat older women in the class, and that made me feel fit and trim. Yes, that's a little pathetic, but it was still nice.

I had a few moments of wistfulness, since that used to be us and Emily time, aquafit, and I miss her so. Nothing is a substitute (and I wouldn't want anything to be). But since I was exercising it was manageable wistfulness.

For dinner I had: leftover tortellini, more raw veggies, a piece of baklava, and later on I had a warm milk.

Then my mood really crashed and burned. I wasn't tired (the exercise may have helped) and I wasn't nauseated and my nipples did not hurt. By 10:30 at night I decided there was no way I was pregnant and cried and cried. (That this was moodiness did not occur to me.) I felt really really down, like everything I touch dies and that it's all hopeless.

Then I slept for hours.

This morning I decided to try an experiment and not eat crackers in bed in the morning and not be good, and have raw veggies and dip for breakfast. And now I feel sick and have a dry mouth and a hormonal headache.

So it seems ok. I may get a pregnancy test anyway just to see the thing come up positive.

I can't wait to have a bloodtest Monday and then maybe an ultrasound towards the end of the week, to find out if there really is a baby in there. That would help.