Stepping onto the ledge

This morning I have an hour call with the gatekeeping administrator at Mt. Sinai. The referral chain was a friend of my mum's contact's contact. So it's a little crazy. But all I want is in.

Well no. That's the thinking I had last time. This time I have more of an idea what I would like to ask, myself. I'm preparing to have to go through what happened last time (exaggerating the low gain in pregnancy slightly, so as to be thought a little higher risk). And then I want to know how they manage care, testing, and most of all, delivery. Because I am going to need someone who's willing to be there all the way, whether that's a c-section or a vaginal delivery.

This team has social workers and psychologists that specialize in loss and infertility and a NICU and if you have a high-risk pregancy in Toronto you usually end up there, and so from all accounts they are the elite. So it will be interesting to see how I'm treated.

The thing is, I have no faith in the medical system at all. I haven't written an account of Emily's birth here yet, but the summary is - I pushed for over three hours, with no doctor in sight. The nurses said keep going, so we did. For the last hour, the chart showed that her heart was in trouble. They ignored it. She came out flat, they revived her, she was ultimately transferred to Sick Kids, she died. *I* was pretty much ignored for the 24+ hours I remained in hospital, and nurses said highly inappropriate things to me. (Example: maybe you aren't built to deliver a baby - note that the problem was never my hips. She didn't come out because she had the cord around her neck twice tethering her.)

Oh yes, I have some trouble with trust here.

I would like to set up an appointment for next week. We'll see how it goes.