Storm or sunshin

The spotting calmed down and I saw my GP. She took another blood test but said it might not be any help - if the betas are still going up (and they were really quite high on Monday) that will be a good sign. If they've totally dropped off the face of the chart, then it's not a viable pregnancy. But if they've just gone down a bit, well, this is around when they might peak anyway, so it wouldn't be a sign one way or another.

She did an exam and found no fresh blood at all, so that was good.

And tomorrow's ultrasound will be informative, although of course she won't necessarily get the results right away. Tomorrow will be quite a day - we'll find out if we get the money for the house, and we could find out that the pregnancy is not viable.

I feel a little stressed. I didn't go in to work but I will go to therapy - she said if there's blood now and it is a miscarriage, that it already happened. It's not like later where you might get put on bedrest (although I'm not to lift heavy things, etc.)

I also feel like - oh, I don't know. With Emily I felt just about as protective and losing her during the pregnancy would have been awful. Like falling off a tightrope into a net that would suck and burn. But this time I feel like there's no net. I'm not quite sure what I mean, but there it is.

I should do some food stuff, in hopes of something.

Yesterday: Breakfast - yoghurt, whole wheat bagel, bowl of fruit
Lunch: Mango-chicken salad and tofu-peppers salad
Dinner: Chicken breast, salad, veggies
Snack: small bag of, yes, corn chips. Bad.
Mango juice, milk, one hot chocolate, and water of course

Today so far: half a yoghurt, apple, bran muffin
Lunch: BLT, coleslaw, extra t-yummy