Whoa baby

Heartache + pregnancy = waaay too many cookies consumed in one day. I think it was 8 or 9. Ew. Today I would say I'm going to be virtuous and eat only lentils, but in fact I ate some carrot cake at breakfast and yes, the last cookie.

It'll be okay.

Witch baby seems to like the sugar rush and pokes and prods around in there. Keep enjoying the space, kiddo, 'cause it gets a lot squishier. I am getting excited about the ultrasound, along with some dread that they will find bad brain things like that Catholic woman's baby and we will have to terminate, or some other major issue. I'd say limbs would be good, but you know, are they really that essential?

(Plus we saw limbs already.)

Today I'd planned a long morning walk, but it's raining blowy-rain that won't be stopped by umbrella. If I had my raincoat here it wouldn't be such an issue (I have a real rubberized raincoat that lets you walk and walk and walk in the rain) but it's in storage. So I'll have to wait and see if it clear, I think. I did manage to hit the grocery store before the rain arrived and now we have apples and carrots and other non-cookie fist-happy snacks, so that's a good.

I think I'll settle in here and write for a bit and then hit the coffee shop downstairs for a change and write some more. It occurs to me that in some eerie parallel way, much of the end of my book is very like my present now, although under completely different circumstances.

I need to talk to some people for research purposes soon though. I need an estate lawyer to tell me if a plot point is truly possible; I have an alternative backed up but this is the way I want it to be. Sometimes the Internet is just not enough info.

Oh hey witch baby just rolled over (or some similar large type movement). Hey everyone out there in blog land! I'm starting to have hope for this kid and then I recoil in utter fear. Now that people are starting to be informed that we're pregnant I am getting a lot of people reassuring me that what happened to Emily won't happen again. I know they are trying to be helpful and in way it is a good counter statement to everything else in my head. On the other hand now that I have entered the eerie world of bereavement and NICU parenthood I am aware of many of the 18 zillion other things that could happen, and painfully aware that it is in fact the one thing you didn't think of that probably happens.

Right now I am trying to just take it day by day.