Breastfeeding woes

One really has to wonder how babies ever used to survive. Of course some of them didn't.

Breastfeeding is going not so incredibly hot of late: we had a really good early start, loads of transitional milk, and a happy baby. But then (okay, deep breath: mother discusses baby poop!) Noah stopped pooing a lot. Which is one of those signs of concern. After calling Telehealth and all that he produced a couple of poos, and then went on a little one-day strike. Then he pooed. Yes he is going to the doctor today, despite it not being my family doctor but her backup. But we didn't consider it enough of an emergency again to expose him to the germs at the walk-in clinic, since a cold would bugger his nursing but good too.

I was consoling myself that all the other factors seem fine (weight being measured on our kitchen scale, he's nearly back to his birth weight, but I'm not sure how reliable it is; we will find out at the doctor's today) when he started nursing about every hour and 15 minutes, with occasional 2-3 hr gaps. Maybe a little growth spurt?

But then last night he moved to about every 45 minutes and my breasts didn't entirely keep up, leaving him at one point wailing in distress at the nipple. There is nothing more upsetting to me, I discovered, than having my baby hungry and not having any milk. Of course being stressed interferes with milk production.

Carl took him for half an hour, wailing, while I laid in bed with my hands over my ears and went through every relaxation technique in the book and visualized earth goddess and milk and honey flowing. No really. (Although I think Lyr was pushing me to. One would think Lyria's breasts would never give out, but apparently it doesn't work that way.) It did help and we had a good nurse, and have all night... at hour and a half intervals... but my breasts have not come back to "rock solid and dripping" as they were before. In fact they're mushy. But as long as he's satisfied at the end of the feed (and he has been) I guess it's okay.

I find that all the information out there about any of this is contradictory and unhelpful, by the way. I have three parenting books and they don't agree; add in the immediacy of the Internet and it's enough to make you crazy. Which maybe interferes with milk production.

Still, I think I have narrowed down the possibilities:

1) He's fine, he just had a growth spurt, and his intestines are unusually mature, hence the lack of tons of poos. The only reason I think that might be a possibility is that his development is really good: he opens his eyes, responds to smiles and faces, can sometimes track a finger moving for a while, can roll on his side, and climb up a sitting body to perch on the shoulder. No really. He's definitely not lethargic or anything like that. And if I ever wondered if he would kick up a fuss if he weren't getting fed, well, tonight solves -that- question. Can the child ever wail.

But the no-poo is still a bad sign.

2) We have a bad latch which is causing all kinds of lack of -quality- milk intake. (Quantity, to judge from pee production, is okay, despite the inability to go at a 45-minute interval schedule. he's definitely not dehydrated.) This is probably the most likely, although *I* can't tell where the latch is bad. Next stop, breastfeeding clinic.

Weight gain is probably the determining factor between these two.

3) The continued bleeding I'm having, which is not insignificant, means there are little placental bits still in the uterus, which is also known to interfere with milk production. In which case it would be a D&C and hopefully work it out after. The obstetrician is therefore on today's list of people to call as well. I think this one's a quick bloodtest to find out.

4) The mysterious weight problems we've had continue in some nebulous way. At my end: I am having trouble holding onto any weight at all, and am one lb away from my pre-pregnancy weight, despite eating as much good food as regularly as I can while feeding at 1.5 hr intervals (and occasionally clearing my head by eating at the computer, like right now). I'm also trying to stay in bed a lot and not burn calories, although that is harder going. At Noah's end: no poo. 'Nuff said.

I'm amazed at how hard this stuff is. I really see why people go to formula and for all I know we will too, although I would much much much rather not - I'd probably try pumping first. But it feels so personal and also, so scary, to be in this supply and demand dance that may not be working. I wish I could relax, because that would likely help, but I can't. And I am finding it hard to deal with the medical system, whatever the reasons. I really wish my family doctor were not away this week.

Sometimes when Noah's at a particular angle he looks a lot like Emily - he has the same chin and lips and neck - and I get this wave of hopelessness, that he will be sick or die too. I think any mother would be just as concerned as I am about the feeding, but I think I am maybe more aware of the actual possibilities of things going wrong and that puts me into a slightly higher mode of anxiety. For all I know that may be the only problem. Not sure how I would solve that one.

Shandra