Solutions, protections

Right now Noah is asleep - not in anyone's arms. He's in a shopping bin, the plastic kind you buy at No Frills rather than paying 5 cents a bag, which has been lined with a soft quilt and a receiving blanket. It's just a bit shorter than him, which means his legs have something to push against, and it's about 18 inches wide.

Total cost: $4.99 for the bin. $1.99 for the clips that are holding the quilt snug around the edges. The quilt and receiving blankets were gifts.

And yes, it's about the size of a dresser drawer, but taller. And apparently it's snuggly and safe and warm. And if this works, I have oddly mixed feelings: elation that maybe we can get some sleep, both Carl and I, possibly at the same time. And a bit of sadness because although sleep is really important to us, it is one of those first steps to independence. Not that we can't stick it in the middle of our bed to keep Noah right near us, which we might.

But my gut tells me that if he likes it - that is, if it's not a matter of him crying until he gets used to it, which he has not done - then he's ready for it. I think I'm an IP - instinct parent. Intuitive parent? Something like that, with a lot of reading mixed in.

And man it might be nice not to have to agree on who takes the 2-to-4 am shift and who takes the 5-to-7 (4-5 being the boobs' and therefore my shift) and so on and so forth.

The next burning question is: will Movie Babies or any local equivalent be playing The Exorcism of Emily Rose as a baby feature in about a month? Because I don't know if they show scary shit like that at those things, and if so, probably they won't wait until Noah's old enough to take will they? Damn. As someone who gets offered an exorcism (via email! The offer, at least) by fundamentalist Christians at least once a month you know I have to see this one. I guess it'll have to go on the zip list.

I am really liking having DVDs around to watch during the aforementioned sleep shifts, and rarely while nursing (right now I am still too infatuated to pay attention, except when I'm so tired I'm worried I'll drift off). But last night I watched Bastard out of Carolina, which I had read some of and then returned to the library and vaguely remembered as a "growing up poor and abused in the south" story. The film did nothing to make me wish I had finished the book in the first place, although I think it was very real and fairly layered as these things go.

But oh, looking at my son I had this fierce, fierce reaction to the movie.

First was that he shouldn't be hearing such things in his background, which is probably overkill (see desire to see film, above) - but it soon won't be; soon I will have to make sure that when I watch disturbing things that he is safely asleep in another room. Or at playgroup. Or something. I have never really bought into the "it's just a movie/book/tv show" thing for kids: things I have seen/read/watched have affected me profoundly as a human being, at times, and I am going to presume the same is true for my kid. And while he's little - a toddler, a small boy, a boy - I intend to try to filter things. He'll eventually go to a friend's house and see trash, but there it is.

(Not to keep them all innocent and rosy; quite the opposite, as a lot of what I think of as quality kid lit is actually quite scary in many ways - orphans, pirates, ogres. I have never approved of the version of A Little Princess where her father is actually alive, either. But designed for children, yes - adult films where a little girl is raped, no. The difference is hard to express but I think reasonably easily grasped.)

But second, I just felt this new pocket of fierceness, that could easily turn to rage. If any adult ever beat Noah I would be hard pressed not to kill them, including Carl, my parents, Lohr, my friends. And I mean that utterly, even if I would hope I wouldn't actually kill anyone. It's the same scorched-earth rage that I have even thinking about being in the same room with the nurse that attended Emily's labour. And although it's a little extreme, I'm glad it's there.

And a note to you lovely readers: I think Magdalynn will probably respond to her own comments, but I am working on some thoughts about what one says - and doesn't say - about multiplicity to one's kids. But that's a complicated thing that will take some time - keep watching here though. :)

Shandra